33 Funny Valentines Day Quotes

Watch any Hollywood movie about love and you’ll tend to see the same themes. Two people fall in love, somewhat unexpectedly, and then an obstacle gets in their way. That might be distance or timing or their own personal battles, but in end despite the struggle, they wind up happy and together.

There’s also another element that tends to come into the picture: humor. In fact, there’s a whole genre devoted to these stories, they’re called romantic-comedies. But why is it that we like to mix the seriousness of love and heartbreak with the lightheartedness of fun and humor.

Maybe the key here is in the adjective ‘light-heartedness.’ When we fight battles in love our emotions can bring us turmoil, and it is our ability to bring humor into the situation that allows us to react. This applies when we face our own struggles in love, or when we watch on empathetically, allowing ourselves to get moved by a movie.

Valentine’s Day was named after Saint Valentine, a Catholic priest who would marry roman soldiers in secret, as Emperor Claudius II forbid it at the time. The Emperor believed that all soldiers should be completely and utterly committed to Rome, and thus love should play no part in their lives. Valentine was eventually executed for his crimes against Rome, and legend has it that he cured the blindness of Claudius daughter. Before his execution on February 14th, it is also said that he wrote her a love letter and signed it “from your Valentine.”

How much of this story is true and how much is a myth is hard to say. Whatever the case, the legacy of Saint Valentine has left us with a day on which to celebrate our love for one other, and the flowering of new relationships and fortification of old ones.

So if you’re looking to inject some humor and perspective into your love life this February, we’ve composed some hilarious and profound sayings about valentine’s day and love.

Here are 33 funny valentines day quotes:

On valentines day

“Valentine’s Day is the poet’s holiday.” – Ted Koosner

“You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” – Mike Primavera

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

“Love is the name of an irrepressible moment formed inside one complete pulsation of a heart” – Munia Khan

“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” – Faye Morgan

“The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.” – Sophie Monroe

“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” – Jim Gaffigan, Comedian

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

On love

“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

“Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing.” – Helen Rowland

“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” – Melanie Griffith

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott, The Office

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” – Henny Youngman

“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji, they don’t love you back.” – Chelsea Peretti

“You know how people say, “you can’t live without love”? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

On relationships and marriage

“Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” – Helen Gurley Brown

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” – Samuel Johnson

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” – Chelsea Handler

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May

“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

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