Witty Quotes To Fire Up Your Brain

Ready to exercise that brain of yours?

Great!

Because it’s time to fire those neurons and get philosophical with these witty quotes…

If you like a little humor and a good brain scratcher, then read on.

We’ve got the world’s best compilation of witty quotes for you now…

Witty Quotes

“A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

“A grieving woman could sit alone on a jetty in the early morning. But not with a book in her hands.” – Pia Juul

“A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.” – Ljupka Cvetanova

“A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

“A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig

“A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’.” – Robert Heinlein

“A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein

“A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson

“A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire

“A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.” – George Dennison Prentice

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James

“Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino

“All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.” – Adlai E. Stevenson

“An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith

“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” – Oliver Goldsmith

“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” – William Shakespeare

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius

“Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” – William Congreve

“Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.” – Howard Aiken

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.” – John C. Maxwell

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck

“Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” – Criss Jami

“Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” – John Kenneth Galbraith

“Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” – Otto von Bismarck

“Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet

“Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” – Thomas Alva Edison

“He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable.” – Emma Goldrick

“He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper.” – Edmund Burke

“How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win.” – Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“I don’t let go of concepts –I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.” – Byron Katie

“I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.” – Woodrow Wilson

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” – Abraham Maslow

“I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” – Suzanne Wrightt

“I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” – David Livingstone

“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.” – Amit Kalantri

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

“If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” – Woodrow Wilson

“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen

“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.” – Amit Kalantri

“It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.” – George Washington

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” – Charles Darwin

“It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.” – Helen Walton

“It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.” – Walter Linn

“It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” – John Leonard

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” – Tom Robbins

“It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” – Ronald Reagan

“Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.” – William Cowper

“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” – Robert J. Sawyer

“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” – Soren Kierkegaard

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

“Maturity involves turning an insult into a feedback.” – Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” – Benjamin Disraeli

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“Never try to have the last word. You might get it.” – Robert Heinlein

“No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.” – William James

“Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? Certainly. I’d know me anywhere.” – Terry Pratchett

“One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” – Robert Heinlein

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown

“Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley’s very funny, very witty guy, very quick.” – Joe Rogan

“Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

“Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.” – Dennis Sharpe

“Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.” – George Eliot

“Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason.” – Miguel Queah

“So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.” – Holly Hood

“Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.” – Kim Hubbard

“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Robert Brault

“The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.” – Wernher von Braun

“The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake.” – Elbert Hubbard

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” – Wayne Dyer

“The important thing to remember is not to forget.” – Benny Bellamacina

“The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” – George Bernard Shaw

“The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.” – Mark Twain

“The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” – John Foster Dulles

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.” – Michelangelo

“The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.” – Josh Lanyon

“The reward of a thing done well is to have done it.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.” – Bertrand Russell

“There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn’t exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.” – Christian Louboutin

“There is never a better measure of what a person is than what he does when he’s absolutely free to choose.” – William M. Bulger

“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.” – Peter Drucker

“They sit there in committees day after day, And they each put in a color and it comes out gray. And we all have heard the saying, which is true as well as witty, That a camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.” – Allan Sherman

“To be able to ask a question clearly is two-thirds of the way to getting it answered.” – John Ruskin

“To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable.” – Erich Fromm

“To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” – Oscar Wilde

“Want to know something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It’s really worth fighting for — risking everything for. And the trouble is — if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong

“We all have times when we think more effectively, and times when we should not be thinking at all.” – Daniel Cohen

“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

“We tend to get what we expect.” – Norman Vincent Peale

“Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” – Suzanne Collins

“What gets measured gets managed.” – Peter Drucker

“When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.” – Xondra Day

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

“Writers don’t get mad they get even in their novels.” – Candace C. Bowen

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” – Henry Ford

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” – Wayne Dyer

“You know, you’re rather amusingly wrong.” – Terry Pratchett

“You will never find time for anything. You must make it.” – Charles Buxton

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